Do I really want to be naked on this table?

Just to offer a bit of a disclaimer - this is not a project blog post and it does involve some graphic content (hence the title). You have been forewarned.

So, do you remember way back at Christmas time when my family was blessed with the 12 Days of Christmas gifts? And one of those gifts was a "Time Out" massage for me? And do you remember my reaction at the time? I am not really a massage kind of person. So much so that when the gift certificate arrived at the door my boys' remarks were along the lines of, "who is going to use THAT?" and "well, now we know that whoever if sending these gifts to us clearly doesn't know you too well". However, I said I would be open to it and I am always game for new experiences, so with one week to go before the gift certificate expired, I booked my appointment. It was today at 9am. (And yes, for those of you who really remember the 12 Days of Christmas thing, I was supposed to have had my massage in the first week of January, but I chickened out and canceled it.)

Now, as I do with all things unknown to me, I did some research before I went to my appointment. First, I called the spa and warned them that I was a nervous newbie and I asked if there was anything I needed to know. You would think they had never heard this before. Don't get me wrong, the lady on the end of the phone was very nice, but I kind of felt like a really challenged 3 year old. "Ummm, no you don't have to wear anything special and yes they will have to touch you when they give you your massage." Ok, so maybe my questions were a bit dense. Moving on... the next part of my research involved talking to friends who have had a massage before. The number one piece of information I received was "and don't worry if you fart." What??!! Let me get this straight... I am supposed to go to a new place, strip down in a darkened room, lit by candle light, filled with soft music, put my newly naked body in a strange warm bed, let someone touch me and be ok with bodily sound expulsions? This was starting to sound like my wedding night.
I arrived a few minutes early, filled out my paper work, met my massager chick, used the bathroom (I did read some massage horror stories online) and headed upstairs. The room was very nice, quiet and dare I say, calming. I was told to get totally undressed (I was allowed to leave my undies on.) and climb in to the bed. So far so good. My head was in the hole, I was covered up with blankies and ready to be touched. My massager chick came back and asked me if I was ready. Bring it on, I say! So, I'm ready for her to pull the covers off and get to it, when she smoothed the covers over me and started to massage my back THROUGH the sheet! Wow! This was incredible - I could handle this, no problem. Why did no one tell me this was an option? While I was thinking my happy thoughts a draft hit me and I realized the covers were disappearing. What was happening??!! Apparently the massage through the covers things was just to smooth them down before she folded them back. Why didn't anyone warn me about that? Now, I have to be honest, I spent more time worrying/waiting to fart than I did stressing about the fact that a stranger was rubbing her hands all over me. (Thanks for the distraction technique Cheryl!) Through the half an hour I learned that my arms are ticklish, I want a heated bed at home, and I REALLY don't like people touching my hair. The massage up in to my hair required me to speak up, but other than that I held my tongue, didn't burst out laughing (although I could have) and made it through my time.
I have tried something new and it was ok - kind of like my wedding night!