Some God time.

Dear God,

It’s the wee hours of the morning and I am sitting in your house, listening to the silence and at peace knowing that you are here too. It’s funny that I would feel you right now – is it because of where I am or because of the quiet that I am in? I think it’s because of the quiet. It can be so hard to hear you sometimes, that when I do, I often wonder if I’ve imagined it. I hate it when I miss you. I’ve had a hard time explaining you to other people lately. What are the words to use to describe your peace? Real words that are understandable but carry the impact that I want to share? I’ve noticed that I’ve spent a lot of time looking for words, but people are seeing you in my every day – that is a more important space to fill than any word could ever aspire to. Thank you for using me.

In our world of constant motion, driven successes, consumer acquisitions, and monetary dreams, it can be hard to be content with being where you want me to be. It is hard to explain it to other people or give answers to asked questions. I spent a while worried about what other people were thinking about me – but then I was reminded that nothing matters except what you think and where you want me to be. Thank you for reminding me.

You are teaching me right now. I know it. I can feel it. Everyday you get me a bit more ready for the next day. As new situations arise, you guide me, hold on to me and surround me. You continually bring people around me to help and support me. Please keep encouraging me to accept them. I appreciate that you think enough of me to give me challenges and trials. I like that you expect me to obey you and even that you are disappointed when I don’t. I crave your boundaries. I can feel you shaping me and molding me into a more complete person – the person you made me to be. Thank you for preparing me.

You have demonstrated your divine patience in my life. Every lesson that I am slow to learn. Every mistake that I make, over and over. Each choice I make that is blatantly against your will. You continue to persist in my growth, bringing me back to your path again and again. I have a nature that is full of sin and wrongdoing, but I have a soul that is filled up with your spirit, your strength, your power and your holiness. Thank you for always forgiving me.

You are alive in me! Your strength is at work in me! Your light is bright in me! Thank you for showing yourself so clearly to me.

Please correct me when I am wrong. Please help me to be honoring to you in each word I speak and each thing I do, with everyone – not just the easy people. Please help me extra with the hard people.

You have been speaking to me a lot lately about how far I will go for you. How long will I let you be in charge without me trying to take control again? I think I’m improving! Am I? I have a picture in my head of all the people in the world standing before you. They are judging me, laughing at me, filling me with doubts and then you call my name. Will I walk out of the crowd and stand alone before you? Can I leave each person behind if that’s what you ask? I have thought a lot about it lately. I realized that each one of us is accountable as an individual before you. I will not stand before you holding any one’s hand. As I’ve sat in church and watched husbands and wives sit together and I have coveted that, you pointed out to me that I need nothing more than you. Even though all who live with you in them will be together, we will each be accountable to you as an individual child first. You reminded me that I need to put my time, thoughts and efforts into my relationship with you and not worry so much about the people. You will provide each relationship that I need. Thank you for my family and my friends.

God, you are great and mighty! You are powerful and just. You show mercy and grace to me over and over again. I am reminded so often about how undeserving I am of your love, but I am also reminded that it doesn’t matter, all I have to do is come to you and your love is lavishly spilled over me. I want to ask you to touch Brendan with your love in a way that he can feel it. I ask that you reach in to his heart and stir it up a bit. He is fighting, but he knows you are there. He wants to deny you, but you’re so much stronger than he anticipated. And as you teach Dylan, show him glimpses or your perfect plan for him. Remind him that you made him in your perfect image. Help him reach out to you for his peace.

You have blessed me with these children – thank you for trusting me with them. I pray each of them in to your hands. They are yours and yours alone. I pray that our individual paths will always remain connected, tied together by you.

As I sleep tonight, please fill me up again. Renew my spirit. Please forgive me for all that is wrong in me. Please awaken me ready to meet each person in my day with your grace and love. Help me to extend forgiveness and mercy. Bring people in to my day that need to see you and help me to do a good job of showing them. Please fill my dreams with your thoughts and then my day with your actions.

I love you too.

Diane