Things that make you go "hmmmmm".

I have been working like a crazy woman trying to get myself sorted out and ready to run a business AND I've been spending a lot of time researching new/different treatment/therapy regimes for Dylan.
You know how you go along with things for a while because it's what you're told to do and it's not like there are a bunch of other options, but at some point you have to take a good hard look at things and see if what you're doing is working? Well, I think it's time to recognize that "it's not working". I just can't accept that Dylan is going to spend the rest of forever unhappy, unstable and unable to cope with life. So, I've been looking for a new way. (By the way, there are a lot of crazy people out there selling miracle cures, for just about anything and everything!)
While we continue to be as broke as broke can get, I am needing things to do to take my mind off of the other things that I don't want to focus on, so researching and reading has been good. But, I've also taken some time to evaluate where my money goes. When things get stripped right down to bare naked, I'm finding I'm very conscious of what I do with every single penny that passes through my hands and I'm finding that I don't like where a lot of my money goes (or would go if I had any). I'm amazed at how much money we spend out of habit, without ever questioning where the money ends up, or what company we are helping to grow. OR how much money we spend for the sake of convenience. I thought that having this time of no money was going to make me careful of how I would spend money once it started coming in again, but I didn't expect this time to change the entire way I think about each aspect of our world. I have become so accustomed to handing money over for everything that I forgot how to think about money and that I am in charge of my money and who I give it to. For example, when I put gas in my car, am I giving my money to a company that has strict environmental standards or one that is irresponsible and has a bad track record for eco-disaters and pollution? Usually, I just put in whatever gas is the cheapest! What about where I buy our food? Where does my money go then? Same with clothes, shoes, and toilet paper! My money all goes somewhere and I support the growth, standards and operations of a company. Until I had nothing left, I didn't really consider who I gave each dollar to. Now though, each dollar is hard won, not a single one is taken for granted, and I want to choose carefully who will get it. The kids are even getting in on the thought process as I see them deliberate over spending their own cash.
I have learned (and I hope the kids have learned too) that I don't have to just give my money away without a thought. I was a bit ashamed to realize that I had stopped thinking when it came to my money. Not any more. At the end of the day, who I give my money to is a direct reflection of my own values and beliefs. Time to make some changes...