So, I spent my Saturday at a conference (all day!) on Grace based parenting. I sat in the very back corner and watched all the people coming in to find their seats, while flipping through my new workbook. I was in a great mood for the first 3 minutes and then it was all downhill....
I arrived early so I could pick the best seat, have time to flip through my workbook (I like to know what's coming) and then settle in for some people watching. Before people really started coming in (there was about 500) I was going through my book and I flipped to the back where I came across the answer key to all the other pages. That ticked me off, because now I didn't have anything to keep me there. (See, I don't like listening to people talk at me - especially if I can read everything they're saying.) I picked up my pen, glanced at the answers and filled in the blanks of my book 20 words at a time. It took me about 10 minutes to fill in the blanks of 120 pages. My favourite part was on page 7 where there was a little box with the following disclaimer: "If you are a single parent you can turn to appendix G at the back of the book for 5 tips on Grace based parenting." To me it read: " If you are a single parent, the entire contents of this book are irrelevant. Please read the tips at the back of the book." At this point, I developed an attitude.
Anyways, I'm sitting in my seat, back in the shadows, watching the people start to arrive. I am not kidding when I tell you that every person that walked in was with their spouse, they were all perfectly dressed, carrying their workbooks, a pen and a Starbucks coffee cup. They each picked a seat as close to the front as they could and settled in. Husbands had arms around their wives, held coats, purses and Starbucks cups while the wife got herself sorted out. Then they would eagerly look through their books, oohing and ahhing at the pretty pictures and almost giddy with anticipation for the things they were going to learn. It was like I was stuck in the freaking Twilight Zone. Where did these people come from? It was a room full of perfect families and I so did not fit. At this point the soundtrack playing in my head went like this... "Should I stay, or should I go now?" I decided to be a big girl, tough it out and try to ditch my attitude. I convinced myself that I could learn SOMETHING from being here for a whole day. By the first break, I wasn't so sure.
There were lots of great stories and pictures of the guy's perfect family, that included now perfect grandchildren. His wife was beautiful and off saving the world somewhere, so we couldn't have the amazing privilege of meeting her. (I'm sure she is a perfectly lovely woman.) The whole first half of the day was listening to how our children have built in inner needs and how we need to build our parenting on a foundation of grace. We listened to how children need their mother and their father to speak equally in to their lives, and listen and understand their built in inner needs. The bonus of this time was that I was able to completely program my new cell phone!
I tried to talk to a few people during our breaks, but I was "Diane, the Director of Children and Family Ministries at South Delta Baptist", NOT "Diane, single mother of two boys, that hands out drugs to keep us all sane."
There were some valuable lessons I learned during the day.
1. When I speak at Moments for Moms on Tuesday, I need to keep it real and NOT perfect. My topic is "Real Faith for Real Life".
2. We need a single parent support group at our church. I can not be the only parent trying not to raise lopsided, unbalanced children.
3. I need to find some of these perfect people in our church and get to the bottom of their perfectness. If they are as wonderful as they come across, they should be putting in time with our Family Ministry.
4. The perfect people that are raising perfect children are at an extreme disadvantage in their lives. They will only ever know how to handle "perfect". My children will know how to handle everything from psychotic chaos to managed calm. They get to see faith in action every day.
5. To me, Grace based parenting means my kids are still alive and functioning.
6. I can't handle perfect.
7. I need to find a conference to attend for real parents. You know... the kind that want to drop kick their 12 year old with attitude out the window. The ones that lock themselves in their car so they don't wind up on the front page of the paper for strangling their 2 year old who is displaying super human strength while tantruming in his buggy. Now those are the kind of parents I understand. Does anyone know of a conference like that?
8. I also learned all the features of my new phone.
Needless to say, it wasn't the most applicable day for me. I brought home the materials just in case I meet a family that could benefit from this perfect family philosophy. For now, the books are great for propping up my lap top.
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