Ouch.

In my quest to get smaller and fitter I have started taking a Power Strength class twice a week at the gym. If you remember, a year ago I started my journey towards losing weight and getting in shape. I had lofty goals for myself and I am sad to say that I have failed at each and every one of them. I will say that I consider the past year to have been useful for research purposes. I haven't gained back all the weight I lost, but I have gained back a good chunk of it. I learned many things through the year and as important as that was for me, I wish I could've learned the lessons and continued to lose weight - if that had happened, I would be finished with the "losing" part. Oh well, live and learn, right?
So, I'm not really that different from everyone else I have discovered. "Life" just gets in the way of losing weight and building up those muscles. Us moms have so much stuff to deal with, it is no surprise that we struggle so much to lose our unwanted weight. I have a hard enough time doing anything for myself and when I do get time for "me" I typically choose to veg and eat! I need to get to the point that I voluntarily choose a walk, a class or something else that's active. I have also been trying to determine what type of eater I am. Most people seem to think they are emotional eaters or bored eaters. I am not an "upset" eater, but I am definitely an "angry" eater. If I am upset, I tend to retreat and not really eat, but when I'm mad - look out! I discovered that when I was at the McDonald's drive thru one night at about 2am for fries and a chocolate shake! I couldn't believe how much taste could calm me down. And, might I mention, I was REALLY ANGRY! Anyways, the point of all that was to say that even though I didn't meet my weight goals, I did learn some important things. So, what am I doing to carry on, you ask??

I have started taking this class twice a week at 915am. I have figured out that if there is a specific time I need to be at the gym and there are people waiting for me, I am much more likely to show up and work hard. Maybe one day I will have the discipline to work out alone, but for now I need the accountability.
The class is good, but hard and I have to let go of my insecurities and stop thinking that everyone is staring at my butt or my many mistakes. I have also had to stop looking around at what everyone else is doing - that is VERY discouraging! While all the people around me have heavier weights and don't seem to be breaking a sweat, I am struggling to get through the reps and sets without falling over, passing out, or throwing up. I know I will get there, but for now I just want to get through some abs work without my whole body shaking like there's an earthquake, or be able to bring my knees to my actual chest (not the fat rolls that block the way).
The other thing that is good about working out with a buddy or taking a class where you're expected to show up, is that it makes you go back even though the memories of the pain are still fresh. For example, after a class last week, it probably took 2 days before I could pee again. The thought of getting up and down on the toilet was enough to make me hold it in. Or there was the day that the thought of a bra across my boobs was enough for me to just put on a sweatshirt. But, knowing that someone is waiting for you at the next class, gets you up off your butt and back through the door.

I just sooooooooo want to be done with the losing part. I have my giant wall size star chart back in action (I had to move 3 stars backwards last week - 1lb per star - and that was tough), my class is keeping me moving, my walking buddy and I are ready to kick it up a notch and I'm hoping the will to lose will just simply take me over!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP!! I WILL GET SMALLER AND HEALTHIER!! I will walk, stretch, lift, pull, push, drag, sweat, and whine my way through it. I WILL NOT BE A STATISTIC!! I WILL BE A SUCCESS STORY!!

(and if anyone has the key to this success, please let me know.)