Time to ship the kids off.

If you're a parent, this post will mean more to you than all you non-parents. (Or if you are a non-parent, consider this post as an ad for birth control.)
I love my children. I want to make that clear to everyone. There is NOTHING that I wouldn't do for them. All the decisions I make are with their best interests in mind and all I really want is for them to be happy in their lives (ok, well I want to be happy in my life too and the two seem to be directly related.). BUT, right now I am really wishing they lived far away - perhaps in a land where there are no phones, wifi sites, cell towers, or postal service. There really should be a land like that. An attitude readjustment land - far, far away.
The thing is, I need a break. (I was going to change that last sentence to say "I want a break", but the truth is, I REALLY NEED a break. Don't forget, I do love them - I would just prefer to not be with them at the moment. Being a full time parent is tough work. It is draining. Exhausting actually. It is the kind of job that NEVER ends and doesn't really give you a lunch break, or two 15 minute coffee breaks, or 3 weeks of vacation, or extended benefits, or an RRSP matching program for that matter. (Don't feel that you need to email me with all the benefits of being a parent - I know there are many and I have experienced them numerous times, but for now, please keep your happy parenting stories to yourself.)
Have you ever noticed that when you are dealing with a parenting issue there are always people out there telling you not to worry, it is going to get better. THEY ARE LYING! It just gets different. The issues rotate - I say rotate, instead of change because I am learning that the issues that 2 year olds struggle with are startlingly similar to the issues that 13 year olds struggle with. Both are trying to assert their independence, do everything by themselves, and they think we know NOTHING. They do express themselves a bit differently, but now that I think about, maybe it's not really all that different. When my hormonal 13 year old stomps his foot, whacks his brother, yells unintelligible things at me and slams a door, I find myself swirling in moment of deja vu and wondering if the last 11 years have been a dream.
I have come up with a solution though. And ironically, it is the same tactic I used when they were two and three. I am going to hire a babysitter. I am going to pay someone to take each of them away for a day to do something fun and entertaining. Something that they would never do with me, because no one wants to be seen with their mom, standing in a line up for an art gallery or wandering around Vancouver's music stores. I just need to find an acceptable chaperon for each child and set it up. I am learning that my sanity should have a dollar value attached to it. If this works I will include it in my budget and collect bottles or take an extra job to pay for it. At this point it is higher on the fixed expense list than groceries or gas.
Yes, I love my boys. I would just like to love them from a distance right now. Is that too much to ask?