This post warrants a rating because there is descriptive, graphic content involving a woman's body and things that change, fall, reshape, regrow, leak out, appear from nowhere, etc....
I gave you fair warning, so guys, read on at your own risk...
As most of you know I am working hard (well the "hard" part might be a bit of a stretch), along with a friend of mine, to lose a whole bunch of weight. Losing weight obviously causes changes to your body and as I was lying on my bed the other night I was noticing a few things... some of these changes are because of less fat filling out my skin and others are a direct result of getting older (I assume).
First of all, there is the general landscape of our bodies. I was lying on my back, on my bed, in my underwear with my hands on my stomach (don't use me as a visual, think of yourself!) and I noticed that when my hand ran across the top of my stomach and fell to the bed that it felt somewhat bumpy. Kind of like if a giant reached his hand down and ran them across some rumble strips on the road, or perhaps what the surface of Mars would look/feel like. I tried to sit up and have a good look, but then my whole stomach bunched up and all the fat filled in the bumps!
(I should probably take a moment here and say that I don't regularly take stock of my naked self in a mirror, so I didn't really have a reference point for what I was going to be looking at.)
Anyways, I decided to stand up and have a looksee in my full length mirror.
(Normally, this mirror is reserved for a fully clothed look, just to make sure that all the standard lumps, bumps and rolls are sufficiently disguised and/or covered. Now when you see me, you will know that no matter what I look like, yes, I have given myself the once over and deemed myself worthy of the public - so no comments on what I'm wearing - my self esteem is quite fragile!)
Back to the story... I rolled off my bed and stood up, in front of the mirror, switched the overhead light on (as opposed to the 40watt bulb lamp, that fills my room with romantic, sensual light -KIDDING! -really, I got the bulb for free from my granny's and I've been too lazy to change it) and opened my eyes. I did a bit of a double take, because based on what I was seeing, I had a big butt attached to my front, where I should have a stomach! I pushed my finger in to it (think Pillsbury doughboy) and moved it all around, but there was no denying the fact that there was a butt where there shouldn't be. I guess that I've lost enough fat from my stomach that my skin and the fat that's still left (and there is plenty!) have shaped themselves around my scars and the end result is a butt. (I had a couple of major surgeries in my younger years, so I have one big scar from belly button to the bottom, so think of this as the butt crack, if you will.) Oh, and those bumps I had originally felt? They were the ridges in my skin left behind from stretch marks. This is when I laughed out loud. Not because of the sight I was seeing, or even as a stress reaction from the shock, I was laughing because all I could think of was that even if I lose all the weight I need to, I am going to end up with two saggy butts instead of one. I'm sorry, but no amount of exercise is going to turn what I was looking at into a flat and toned stomach.
I went back to laying on my bed, now a bit more depressed than when I started, and thought I'd take a minute and see what other body changes have occurred. The next natural place to investigate was the boob region. I have never really had big boobs - even when I was pregnant they weren't really all that big. They have definitely changed over time though... I won't presume to think that my experiences are going to be the same for you, but come on... be honest... if you lie on your back on your bed don't your boobs kind of fall off of each side of your body? If I had bigger ones, I think they may actually be able to touch the mattress. Again, no amount of exercise is going to tone the girls up and have them pass the pencil test. However, a good bra will go a long way in hiking them up to attention. I have never been to a real bra fitting. I just find whatever is comfortable, for the cheapest amount of money and slap it on. (not a big bra fan) But, I have heard that at a real fitting the bra fitter measures you, feels you up a bit and tucks them all in to a bra that definitely doesn't come in a teeny tiny box, and then voila! the girls no longer flop up and down, flap side to side, or enjoy a close relationship with your belly button. Apparently, you can expect to pay dearly for this experience. (Has anyone noticed that getting older costs a lot more money?)
I'm thinking this post might be better served if it is broken in to two parts. Some of you may be holding yourselves, with your legs crossed and I don't want to be the cause of leaks or muscle strains. Speaking of leaks, I think there may be enough in that to fill a whole post on it's own! It reminds me of the time Dylan and I met with his teacher and he told her that "Mom can't play the trampoline game anymore because the pee just falls out of her." I'll leave you with that thought for now...
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